But since I've started dating online, I've embraced my new dual lifestyle: My responsibilities as a mom ground me, but the feeling of getting dressed up for a night out and not knowing what's around the corner?
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Then I stop myself, the guilt rising: I'm not giving my children the time and attention they deserve. When I was married, my future was mapped out for me.
I could picture what it would look like in 10, 20, even 30 years' time. And with my sons, I also feel safe in the knowledge that I'll always have two wonderful men by my side.
I start to wonder if he's trying to pretend the other side of my life doesn't exist. Instead, I'm discovering the joys of my imperfect but liberating situation.
Before our dates, I find myself frantically running around trying to get the kids into bed, rushing through their bedtime story so I can mentally switch into "sexy date" mode. Yes, my life looks very different than the one I had planned — mainly because now it's not planned at all.